Big Summer Takeover - Gill's Story

For some, going back to school or starting school is exciting and fun, but for many it's scary and filled with BIG emotions.

*Side note: parents do not get a manual on how to deal with BIG emotions and meltdowns... it's just a case of trial and error and a lot of coffee! 

My name is Gill (not Gillian, it's way too harsh sounding and was popular in the 1940s… I was born in the 80s... thanks parents!!) I have two funny/silly/loud/quirky (nice term for weird) fabulous small humans! And it is true you have NO idea what parenting really entails until you're knee deep in it!

Picture the scene...

An excited mum (that’s me, Gill not Gillian!) overwhelmed with emotions at sending her first son off to primary school for his first day. His hair is gelled to within an inch of its life, his uniform is ironed (this will never happen again after this day!) and he's wearing a bag far too big for him to carry (all the reception kids look like little tortoises with shells that they haven’t grown into yet!).

For me, the emotions were joy and happiness watching my little one go off on the big adventure of school... what friends will he make? what subjects will he love? who will he become?! * Side note: also celebrating having a bit less childcare to pay!

Then cut to my son’s view of his first day... filled with worry and anxiety. Everything and everyone is new, the uniform is uncomfortable, the walk into school is busy and noisy, the teacher gives them a lot of instructions (that he can’t remember), the air smells of school dinners (another thing to worry about... what if he doesn’t like the food!!) the list goes on and on and ooooooonnnnnn!

You can imagine how draining this is and even more so if you don’t know how to communicate your feelings. He was almost paralysed with fear, and I had no way of knowing how to help (a great recipe for success...not!)

A few weeks into school and he asked, “how long till school ends” and I told him “When you're 16”, to which he replied “what! No one asked me if I wanted to do this and I must spend 12 years of my life doing it?!”

To him it was unjust not to have a choice and that’s when I realised what a wonderfully strong-minded/free-willed little man I had the pleasure of watching grow… also known as OMG how am I going to get you to be you, but also do what is legally required of you... #go to school!!

So, after a lot of googling, help from school and my own unqualified intuition and ideas (they didn’t all work but ‘throw enough mud at the wall and some of it will stick‘ was the tactic I used!) we started to work through it as a team. Below are some of the things I learnt along the way, that could help you if you are going through anything similar with your children.

No 1... Acknowledge that their emotions are valid and it’s ok to feel scared/worried etc. Rather than saying “don’t worry it will all be fine”, I'd say “I know it will be hard, and I am here for anything you need to help get through what you are feeling.”

No 2... Be kind to yourself as a parent, as it is so tough to see your child struggle and not be able to make it all better for them.

No 3... Eat cake! 

No 4... Take each day as it comes and celebrate the little wins like getting dressed and getting into the car... these are all things that can be huge if your child is struggling.

No 5… Eat cake and drink coffee!

No 6… Let them know they are loved - I would draw little cards to hide in my son's bag to make him laugh (drawings of talking poo were a favourite!) or characters sending love or just saying hi. He loved to look forward to the surprise and it gave him a boost in the day to share with his friends. You could draw on sandwich bags too, or print our free tiny postcards… find them here

No 7… Steve the Worry worm - such a cute concept that I hadn’t heard of until I found a little crocheted worm in my village with a note saying, “if found please keep me close and give me all your worries, I can’t take them away but I can help to make them feel less scary”. What a lovely idea!  So, after wiping my tears away at how sweet it was, I sent the crocheted googly-eyed dude into school in my son's pocket (named Steve obvs). Steve is a great listener! It now has no eyes and is...an ‘interesting’ shape, but it helps him during the day, so Steve is a keeper. You could use a pebble/button anything really that you can fit in their pocket to give them a physical way of releasing anxiety. Thanks Steve!

No 8… Eat cake, drink coffee and listen to your fave happy tunes on a loop!

No 9… If your child has separation anxiety, try sending them into school with a little picture of you together. They can look at it throughout the day when they are struggling.

Also a reminder of how bloody brilliant a parent you are!!!

No 10… Kiss them and tell them you love them as much as possible, even if they push you away. Letting them know they are loved is so much more important than loving school!

I hope some of the above is useful and if not I hope it made you laugh or made you appreciate how hard the smallest things can be for some. We are all just doing our best and that’s enough.