What to Write in a Sympathy Card

Everyone finds it hard to know what to write in a sympathy card. When someone loses a loved one, you want to send your condolences, but it can be hard to think of what to say and we often worry about getting it wrong.

But it’s important to reach out – although words can’t take away the pain of loss, they can help a grieving person feel loved and supported.

At Hallmark, we have a range of supportive and caring Sympathy Cards. So, whether you’re looking for something more personalised, a multipack, or something specific like the loss of a pet, we have something for you.

There’s no ideal formula for a message of sympathy and condolence, because every loss and every relationship is unique. The right thing to say will differ depending how well you knew the person who died, and how well you know the grieving recipients.

Here are a few tips and pointers to get you started…

Want to skip straight to the section you need? Simply click one of the links below:

For When You Knew the Deceased Person Well
For When You Know the Bereaved Person or Family Well
How to Offer Your Help & Support
For When You Share the Loss of Someone Close
For a Sudden or Unexpected Death
For Death After a Long Illness
Simple but Meaningful Sympathy Messages
Messages for Funeral and Condolence Flowers
What Not to Write

Sympathy Messages for Cards

For When You Knew the Deceased Person Well

It can be a great comfort to a grieving person to hear how highly their loved one was thought of. So try to share special memories and be specific about how much they meant to you. These messages can be sent for a coworker, an old friend or someone you simply lost touch with.

*Tip: if the person you’re sending the card to doesn’t know you, it’s helpful to mention your connection to their loved one – through work, from high school, a friend of a friend etc.

Examples:

Debbie was so kind to me when I joined the team and work just won’t be the same without her.
Mick always had a smile for everyone and would stop and chat whenever I saw him in town.
We shared so many great evenings at the golf club…
Sharon was one in a million and I was so lucky to have her as friend for these last 40 years.
I still remember the first time I met your mum…
He was clearly so proud of his grandchildren and loved telling me all about their visits.
I’ll never forget out trip to London for Kath’s 50th – so much laughter (and wine!) Just one of so many precious memories I’ll treasure forever.
Thinking of you and all the family and sharing your sadness. Your mum was a wonderful woman, and I feel very lucky to have known her.

*Tip: Need a more specific word than “special” to describe the deceased? Consider one of these: kindhearted, talented, fun-loving, funny, wonderful, well-loved, lovely, generous, one-of-a-kind, one-in-a-million, well-respected, caring, hardworking, strong.

For When You Know the Bereaved Person or Family Well

The main purpose of a sympathy card is to offer support, comfort and love. It can be enough just for someone to know you’re there for them. Sending a Sympathy message for when someone’s lost a family member or a close friend will show them how they’re not alone in their grief.

*Tip: If you’re not able to make the funeral, you might want to send your apologies in the card.

Examples:

I was so sorry to hear about Andrew. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.
I wish you didn’t have to go through this…
I know how much your sister meant to you and I hope memories of all the good times you shared can help bring you some comfort.
I didn’t get a chance to meet Jack, but I can tell from the way you talked about him how much he meant to you.
I know there’s nothing I can do to make this hurt any less, but I’m here for you if you ever need to talk.
My heart is breaking for you. Sending love and hugs and wishing I was closer.
I’m sorry I won’t be able to make Harry’s funeral, but I will be thinking of you all and remembering him fondly.
So sorry we can’t be there for the funeral to celebrate Auntie Mary’s life and all she meant to us. We’ll be thinking of you and remembering her.

How to Offer Your Help & Support

If you’re able to offer your help with something specific, such as funeral arrangements, meals, gardening, or even childcare, then perhaps consider including an offer to do so as part of your message.

Examples:

If we can help with picking the kids up from school, just let us know.
• Please let me know if I can help in any way – just drop me a message if I can pick up any groceries for you.
• I’ll take the kids for a couple of hours whenever you need some quiet time to yourself.
• I can pop over and cut the grass next week if that would help?

*Tip: In general, the more specific your offer of help, the better. And remember, no task is too small or too big.

For When You Share the Loss of Someone Close

Sometimes when someone very close dies, sharing grief can bring some comfort. It can help to reach out and send a card to family members or close friends who will be feeling the same way you do. If you’ve lost your Mum or Dad for instance, you could send a note of love to your siblings.

Examples:

Someone so much a part of us can never really be gone.
We both know life won’t ever be the same. But I’m glad we’ll always share the stories and the memories. Love you.
As we say goodbye to Mum, I’m so glad I have you to talk to, and turn to. Remember I’m always here for you too.
Somehow this seems easier to bear because we have each other to lean on. So grateful for that and for you.
I know he meant the world to us both, so it means the world to me to have your friendship and support as we say goodbye.

For a Sudden or Unexpected Death

It’s never easy to lose a loved one, but an unexpected loss can make the grieving process even harder. This might be because of the deceased’s young age or apparent good health, or due to an accident or other tragic circumstances.

Examples:

I’m so sorry you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. It must make this especially difficult to come to terms with.
We were surprised and saddened to hear about Dave’s passing. He was such a lovely guy and we’re really going to miss him.
I’m so sorry your family is dealing with such a terrible loss. My heart goes out to you all.
We would never have felt ready to say goodbye to someone as special as Jo, but this timing feels especially tough.
It’s so hard to understand why this happened, why such a beautiful person was taken far too soon.
Wishing you comfort as you try to come to terms with this terrible loss.

For Death After a Long Illness

A loved one’s death will always be hard to deal with, no matter how long the goodbye. If the recipient has been a caregiver to the deceased, bear in mind that they will also be facing a huge adjustment to their day-to-day life.

Examples:

We can never be ready for the final goodbye.
You did so much for your mum these last few months, so it must be so difficult to imagine life now she’s gone.
May it help to know he is now at peace.
I hope knowing how well you cared for your mother in her final years will be of some comfort to you now.
I know the days and months ahead will be a big adjustment, so take care of yourself and know I’m here for you.
So glad her pain is over… but know how hard this loss must be for you.

Simple but Meaningful Sympathy Messages

It could be that you’ve chosen a card with a printed message that already expresses much of what you wanted to say, so a short personal note is enough. But just the act of sending a card shows that you care. So, if everything you try to write feels wrong, just keep it short and simple.

Examples:

We are so sorry for your loss.
Thinking of you at this sad time.
With love and sympathy to all the family.
Kaye really was one in a million and will be sadly missed.
We’re keeping you in our prayers.
I was so sad to hear about Dan’s passing. My thoughts are with you.
Sharing in your sadness as you remember Sid.
Wishing you comfort and peace.
With deepest sympathy from…

*Tip: You could even just be honest and write that you don’t know what to say.

There are just no words. So sorry for your loss.
It’s hard to know what to say at a time like this, but I’m sending you my deepest sympathy.

Messages for Funeral and Condolence Flowers

If you’re sending flowers to express your grief and condolences, just a few words will be more than enough to show your care and support.

Here are a few simple messages to say your goodbyes…

Rest in Peace.
In our hearts, always and forever.
You are the brightest star in the sky.
Gone but never forgotten.
With heartfelt condolences.
Sending love your way.

What Not to Write

There are probably certain things you want to avoid writing. With the best will in the world, we all say the wrong thing sometimes.

Common mistakes to avoid include:

Saying “this will pass” or “give it time” or “things will get better” – there is no set timescale for grief.
Using unhelpful clichés like “everything happens for a reason”.
Writing “I know how you’re feeling” – everyone’s experience of loss and grief will be different, so you really don’t.
Giving advice, however well-meaning – just offer comfort and support instead, acknowledging their pain rather than trying to fix it.
Assuming the recipient shares your beliefs about heaven, the afterlife, or “a better place”.

Hopefully these tips will help if you’re struggling to know what to write in a sympathy card. But remember, just reaching out and sending your condolences will mean such a lot to the recipient, no matter how much or how little you write.

Why not check out our other blogs on grief support?

If someone has lost their baby, young child, or experienced a miscarriage, and you’re wanting to reach out, check out our What to say to someone who has lost a baby blog.

Or if they’ve lost their best fur-baby, check out our What to say to someone who has lost their pet blog.